Damian Dovarganes/Associated Press

本文發(fā)表于時(shí)報(bào)觀點(diǎn)與評論版面，作者TODD MAY是克萊姆森大學(xué)(Clemson University)的教授。

Have you ever looked at someone else’s life with envy, just enough envy that you wish for a moment or two (or longer) that you could be them? Michelle Obama with her combination of grace and passion; George Clooney with his stylish attractiveness and ironic humor; Usain Bolt or Lionel Messi or some other icon of sport.

你有沒有帶著艷羨之情關(guān)注過別人的生活，以至于你有片刻時(shí)間（或者更長時(shí)間）希望自己可以成為他們？既優(yōu)雅又充滿激情的米歇爾·奧巴馬；時(shí)尚迷人而又擅長諷刺幽默的喬治·克魯尼；還有尤賽恩·博爾特或利昂內(nèi)爾·梅西這些體育明星。

Or maybe somebody not famous, just someone you know who seems to have a charmed life: a challenging and gratifying job, a warm and attractive spouse, a spacious apartment with a nice view (and yes, a habit of getting pre-check when they travel). Are there moments when, if the opportunity to be them were on offer, you might be tempted by it?

又或者只是你認(rèn)識(shí)的一些普通人，但他們似乎擁有迷人的生活：一份富有挑戰(zhàn)性和令人滿意的工作；一個(gè)溫暖迷人的伴侶；景色不錯(cuò)的寬敞公寓（是的，還有旅行時(shí)進(jìn)行提前安檢的好習(xí)慣）。有些時(shí)候，如果有機(jī)會(huì)成為他們，你能經(jīng)受這種誘惑嗎？

Would we really want this? And what might we learn about ourselves or how we see our lives if we seriously considered it?

這真是我們想要的嗎？如果認(rèn)真思考這件事，我們是否可以了解一些關(guān)于自己，或者關(guān)于我們?nèi)绾慰创约喝松臇|西？

To be sure, there are complications here. If you had someone else’s life, who would raise your children or love your spouse or take care of your parents in their old age? In fact, if you were someone else your own children would not have come into existence in the first place. That’s not a happy thought. To address this, perhaps the best way to cast this is in terms of a trade: If you had their life then they would have yours, and live it exactly as you would have. Your responsibilities would be covered, so there would be nothing to feel guilty about.

可以肯定的是，這里面有一些難題。如果你擁有了別人的生活，誰來養(yǎng)育你的孩子、愛你的配偶，或是照顧你年邁的父母呢？事實(shí)上，如果你成了別人，你自己的孩子就不會(huì)成為現(xiàn)實(shí)。這不是一個(gè)讓人高興的想法。為了解決這個(gè)問題，也許最好的辦法就是互換：如果你擁有了他們的人生，那么他們也會(huì)擁有你的人生，完完全全就像你這樣生活。你的責(zé)任將會(huì)有人承擔(dān)，所以沒有什么可內(nèi)疚的。

If we think of it this way, then the question of wanting to be someone else is a question of what we might call experience: Is there anybody else whose experience of life you would prefer, assuming everything else would be equal?

如果我們這樣想，那么，想成為別人的問題就成了我們所謂的“體驗(yàn)”問題：假設(shè)其他一切都是平等的，你會(huì)不會(huì)更喜歡其他人的生活體驗(yàn)?zāi)兀?/strong>

One immediate reservation about wanting someone else’s experience is that my desire to be someone else (i.e., have his experience) is grounded in values and desires that I have, and so I have to be me in order to want to be him. However, it’s not clear that that presents any real hurdle to such a desire. I could say that it is precisely by my own lights that the experience of being them would be better, and that there would be at least enough overlap with them that they are instantiating my values and desires but have a better experience than I do. So I can still prefer to be them.

關(guān)于想要擁有他人體驗(yàn)的想法，人們馬上會(huì)產(chǎn)生這樣一個(gè)保留意見：我渴望成為別人（也就是說，擁有他的體驗(yàn)），這個(gè)愿望是建立在我所擁有的價(jià)值觀和愿望的基礎(chǔ)之上，所以我必須先成為“我”，然后才能成為他。然而，這種前提不一定是實(shí)現(xiàn)這種愿望的真正障礙。我可以說，正是由于我自身的看法，才會(huì)感覺“成為他們”這種體驗(yàn)會(huì)更好，“我”與他們之間至少有足夠的相同之處，所以會(huì)感到他們正在實(shí)現(xiàn)我的價(jià)值觀和欲望，但是比我做得更好。所以我仍然更想成為他們。

Alternatively, it might be said that I don’t really know anyone else well enough to know whether they really have those values and desires. The idea would be that I don’t know enough about others to know whether I would trade experiences with them. But one could still argue that inasmuch as I have a familiarity with another person I would want to be them.

或者還有另一種保留意見，我其實(shí)并不足夠了解別人，不知道他們是否真的有這些價(jià)值觀和欲望。也就是說，我不夠了解別人，不足以知道我是否會(huì)愿意同他們交換體驗(yàn)。但是人們?nèi)匀豢梢誀庌q說，只要我真正熟悉了另一個(gè)人，我就可以希望成為他。

I think that, on reflection, most of us would not want to trade with another person, no matter how successful or enticing their lives seem — or even are in reality. To see why, though, we’ll need to switch our angle of vision. We will have to look at our own experiences rather than at theirs, or perhaps look at our experiences first. What would I be willing to give up to be another? My relationships with everyone — children, spouse, friends — and my whole history. I wouldn’t have undergone it. My loss would be that of the whole of my own experience.

經(jīng)過深思熟慮，我認(rèn)為，我們大多數(shù)人并不想同另一個(gè)人交換，無論他們的生活看上去有多么成功或誘人——甚至是真的有那么成功和誘人。不過，為了解釋其中的原因，我們需要改變自己的視角。我們必須審視自己的體驗(yàn)，而不是他們的體驗(yàn)，或者說，首先審視我們自身的體驗(yàn)。為了成為他人，我愿意放棄什么呢？我與身邊的人——孩子，配偶，朋友——的關(guān)系，以及我的全部歷史嗎？我不愿經(jīng)歷這種事。我的損失可能意味著我自身的全部體驗(yàn)。

To be sure, there are people who have had extraordinarily difficult lives. For them a trade of their experience for another’s might well be worth it. But how many of us find ourselves there, at that extreme?

可以肯定的是，有些人過著非常艱難的生活。對他們來說，同另一個(gè)人交換體驗(yàn)可能是值得的。但是我們當(dāng)中有多少人處于那樣的極端境地呢？

I have a particular history with people that I care about. Of course, the person I’ve traded with would also have cared about them, and in the same way, so what I would have done for their sake will be done. But that history of my own experience is gone. Instead I’ve had a history with another set of people that I don’t know as well as the people I’ve had relationships with. What would that have been like? I can’t really tell. Perhaps the person has a job they enjoy and is comfortable financially and is popular or beautiful. But are those differences from me deep enough for me to want to trade?

我和我所關(guān)心的人們擁有一段特別的歷史。當(dāng)然，跟我交換的那個(gè)人也會(huì)關(guān)心他們，同樣地，我也會(huì)為和我交換的人做同樣的事。但是，我自身體驗(yàn)的那段歷史就這樣消失了。相反，我會(huì)和另外一群人擁有一段歷史，我對這群人的了解卻遠(yuǎn)不及之前同我有聯(lián)系的那群人。這是什么樣的感受？我真的說不清。也許這個(gè)人有一份自己喜歡的工作、在經(jīng)濟(jì)上頗為優(yōu)渥、很受歡迎，或是有著很好的外貌。但是他同我之間的這些差異是否真有那么大，大到我愿意同他交換呢？

At that level it’s like asking whether I would trade the experiences of my deepest attachments for some goods that don’t seem as important as the relationships. The exact trade would instead be the experience of my attachments for their surface amenities plus the important stuff — stuff I’m not so familiar with in their case.

在這個(gè)層面上，就好像詢問我，是否會(huì)愿意將自己最深刻的感情體驗(yàn)?zāi)贸鋈ソ粨Q一些似乎不像親密關(guān)系那樣重要的商品。這項(xiàng)交換其實(shí)是用我的情感體驗(yàn)去交換他們表面上的好處，再加上一件重要的東西——我對他們所不熟悉的東西。

Looked at this way, such a trade begins to seem a lot less promising.

這樣看來，這樣的交易似乎前景不太光明。

One objection, though, might be that as long as their relationships are good ones — ones that they have enjoyed experiencing — I don’t need to know exactly what they are like. But this objection has a difficulty: Even if those experiences are good ones, would they be the ones I would want to trade for? Here is where my own values and desires, the ones I have developed over the course of my life, really begin to show their force. The experiences that I value in my life stem not simply from the fact of enjoyment but from the fact that those were the experiences I value. And I value them because of who I am.

不過，反對意見可能是這樣的，只要他們的親密關(guān)系是好的——只要他們享受從這些關(guān)系中體驗(yàn)到的——那么我不需要知道那些關(guān)系到底是什么樣的。但這個(gè)反對意見也有困難之處：就算這些體驗(yàn)是好的，它們會(huì)是我想交換的體驗(yàn)嗎？我擁有自己的價(jià)值觀和愿望，是我在自己的人生中逐漸形成的，它們已經(jīng)真切地顯現(xiàn)出自己的力量。我在人生中所珍惜的體驗(yàn)不僅僅來自于享受快樂，而是來自于這樣一個(gè)事實(shí)：這些體驗(yàn)的確是我所珍惜的。正因?yàn)槲沂沁@樣的我，所以才會(huì)珍惜它們。

So the issue is not just that the experiences of the other person are good ones, but above and beyond that, that they are the kind of good experiences that I would want to have, and want to have enough that I would trade in my own for them. The experiences of the other would have to be a lot like my experiences — i.e., the ones that are most important to me — in order to be candidates for a trade.

所以這個(gè)問題不僅僅是關(guān)于對方的體驗(yàn)是不是好的體驗(yàn)，而是除了這些以外，在此之上，這些體驗(yàn)是不是我想擁有的那種好的體驗(yàn)，我是不是真的那么想擁有這些體驗(yàn)，以至于愿意用我自己的體驗(yàn)來交換它們。我納入交換備選名單的他人體驗(yàn)可能必須要同我自身的體驗(yàn)有很多相似之處——比如說那些對我來說最為重要的體驗(yàn)。

And that seems not only something I can’t know but also something that may not be very likely.

這似乎不僅是我所不知道的事情，也是不太可能發(fā)生的事情。

Moreover, we go through many experiences that are difficult with people we care about and do not regret having done so. For instance, when one’s child has social difficulties or a friend loses a job, it is not only arduous for them to go through, but we also experience sympathetic pain as we accompany them through their struggles. We would rather they hadn’t had to deal with those problems. Given that they did have to, though, we want to have been there to support them. We don’t want someone else to have been there. We want to have been there ourselves, even though it was not a joyous experience for us.

此外，我們與自己在乎的人相處時(shí)會(huì)有很多并不愉快的體驗(yàn)，卻并不會(huì)對此感到遺憾。例如，當(dāng)一個(gè)孩子有社交障礙，或者一個(gè)朋友丟掉工作的時(shí)候，不只他們不好過，我們在陪伴他們克服困難之際，也會(huì)對他們的痛苦感同身受。我們多希望他們不必應(yīng)對這些問題。不過，如果他們不得不應(yīng)對，我們愿意陪伴左右，給他們以支持。我們并不希望陪在他們身旁的是其他什么人。我們希望在場的是我們自己，盡管對我們來說那不是什么愉快的體驗(yàn)。

Of course we would prefer that they hadn’t had those experiences in the first place. But that is more for their sake than for ours. Given that they did have those experiences, we would have chosen to undergo our own unpleasant experiences alongside them. Moreover, to the extent that such experiences were burdensome to us, we might have also preferred for our own sake that they had not occurred, but that is a more trivial issue. It is an issue of how our lives have gone in particular unpleasant moments and not an argument for trading lives. The argument for trading lives would have to be based on a willingness not to have had the relationship at all, with whatever adversities it entailed.

當(dāng)然了，我們首先寧愿他們沒有這些遭遇，但那更多地是為他們著想，而非為我們自己。如果他們的確遭遇了這些，那我們會(huì)選擇忍受自己的不愉快體驗(yàn)，陪著他們。不過，如果此類體驗(yàn)對我們來說難以承受到了某種程度，我們或許也會(huì)為自己著想，寧愿這些事情沒發(fā)生過，但那是一個(gè)更為細(xì)瑣的問題。是在極為不愉快的時(shí)刻我們的生活如何繼續(xù)的問題，而不是交換生活的理由。交換生活的理由應(yīng)該基于這樣一種意愿：寧可根本不存在這段帶來不利境況的關(guān)系。

When I ask about trading my life for that of another, I’m looking from my perspective and asking whether I would want to have the particular quality of relationships that the other has. And, whatever that quality is, it is likely to differ from the quality of my own relationships, relationships that are deeply meaningful to me. I’m comparing what I value in my own experience with what I value in an experience the most significant features of which lie outside my grasp. Once we see this, for most of us a trade, even if we could have one, would not likely be in the offing.

當(dāng)我自問是否愿意和另一個(gè)人交換人生的時(shí)候，其實(shí)是從自己的視角出發(fā)，問自己是否想要擁有為其他人所有的那些關(guān)系的品質(zhì)。不管那是什么樣的品質(zhì)，可能都不同于我自己的、對我來說具有深刻意義的種種關(guān)系的品質(zhì)。我正拿自己看重的兩種東西作比較，一種源于我自己的體驗(yàn)，另一種則源于所有最重要的特征都在我掌控之外的體驗(yàn)。一旦認(rèn)清這一點(diǎn)，對我們大多數(shù)人來說，交換人生這種事情——即便真的可以交換——便很可能不會(huì)發(fā)生了。

We live in world in which the lives of those with more wealth or fame or recognition or influence or beauty are constantly placed before us as though they were something to aspire to. And, of course, there is nothing wrong with aspiration in itself. But to the extent these lives are presented to us as something to be hankered after, as lives we would certainly want if only we could have them, we are presented with an image that asks us to forget what is important to us. In an age of acquisitiveness, and one moreover in which the normative constraints on acquisitiveness have largely fallen away, it is comforting — and perhaps even imperative — to recognize that of all the personal histories that we might choose from, it is our own that would be our likely choice.

在我們生活的世界里，那些更富有、更知名、更受認(rèn)可、更有影響力或更美貌之人的生活常常被擺在我們面前，仿佛是我們渴望擁有的某種東西。當(dāng)然了，渴望本身并沒有錯(cuò)。但當(dāng)這些人的生活作為我們的心之所向、作為我們?nèi)绻心芰隙ㄏ胍獡碛械臇|西被呈現(xiàn)給我們的時(shí)候，我們面對的其實(shí)是一幅要求我們忘記什么對我們來說才最重要的圖景。在一個(gè)貪婪占據(jù)著人心的時(shí)代，一個(gè)對貪念的規(guī)范化約束基本已土崩瓦解的時(shí)代，意識(shí)到如果從所有個(gè)人歷史當(dāng)中加以選擇，我們有可能選擇的是自己的歷史，這會(huì)讓人感到安慰，或許也勢在必行。

Todd May是克萊姆森大學(xué)(Clemson University)的教授，他最近的一本書是《脆弱的生命：接受我們的軟弱》(A Fragile Life: Accepting Our Vulnerability)。
翻譯：晉其角、李瓊